You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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