Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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