i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
