I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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