Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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