You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
