If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
