She's JV to your varsity
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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