I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
