just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
