Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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