CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
