i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
