It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
