the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
