I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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