just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
