i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
