Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
