You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
