remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
