I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
