Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
