Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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