If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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