did you get engaged???
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
