Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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