my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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