Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
