I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
be right there i have to get my cape
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
