"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i now understand why vodka
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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