fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
