guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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