You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
