yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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