There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
