Cold hands, warm shart.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
