is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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