what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
