You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
