My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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