Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
now i know why i became what i already was.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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