I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
