My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
