she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
