I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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