how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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