Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
