ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
