He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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