just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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