when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bring money and cleavage
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
