He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How naked do you want me to be?
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