I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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