Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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