Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
