so that wasnt chicken after all
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
