I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
