hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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