that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
