if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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