I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
