I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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