You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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