The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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