last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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