Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
