Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
barbara walters just said penis...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
