I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
