Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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