Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
