I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
