remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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