I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
