Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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