Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
