Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
